we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
