Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
