remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
