Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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