sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
