I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
