Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
