Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
