I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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