Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
