I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
