we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
