I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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