I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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