have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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