i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
