arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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