you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
