I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
