Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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