capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
