Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
