Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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