Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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