Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
