Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
