As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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