Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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