"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
