i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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