I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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