some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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