chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I deserve this hangover.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
