If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
