Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
