Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
