i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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