so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
