I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
