but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
