don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
