Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
