Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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