just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
