I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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