So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
