I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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