i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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