I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
