You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
