Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
