...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
