For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
honey bunches of taint.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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