All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
