I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
