i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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