My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
