This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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