He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
