so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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