just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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