this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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