I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
