She's JV to your varsity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
