I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
