just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
