He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
