you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
