When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize