The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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