All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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