If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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