stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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