you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
