I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
