matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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