WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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