i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
