He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need water and some morals
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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