I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
