Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
