I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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